More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
