help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
