they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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