We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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