I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
