apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
