Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
