yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
