Michael Bay diarrhea
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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