when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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