weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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