so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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