can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
