Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
