Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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