dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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