All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
