I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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