you traded sex for a burrito?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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