Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
