you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
