So drunk its hurt
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
