tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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