She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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