My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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