He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
