filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
