you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
