i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
