pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
