we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
