Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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