So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
