C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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