The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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