There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
