i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
