It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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