what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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