I smell stomach acid.
Four minutes until I can fart!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
