Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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