you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
