Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize