How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The best revenge is premature balding
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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