Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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