you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
