Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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