the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
