Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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