if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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