I looked at my own cervix.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
