Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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