oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
