I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
