Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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