): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize