the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
