He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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