he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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