Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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