Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
