you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
