you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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