wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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