he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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