I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
