im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
