On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
