need another drink. this is the easiest way
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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